PHAN: You're Not Alone
by YouTubeFanFiction
Summary: PHAN. Dan suffers from PTSD. Will Phil be able to handle it? CONTAINS: Sex, Violence and Mental Health Issues. Please follow along and review I would really appreciate it. :-)
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

***DAN'S POINT OF VIEW***

_They were surrounding me; leaving me nowhere to escape to._

_I held my hands clamped over my ears to block them out._

_They wouldn't stop jeering._

_Stop teasing me._

_Stop mocking me._

_STOP LAUGHING AT ME!_

_Closing in on me in unison as if they planned this long ago._

_The darkness formed over my eyes was blackening my sight. _

_Pain overwhelmed me as each hit rained down on me like thunder._

_It was time to die._

"_DAN" they screamed viciously at me._

_How did they know my name?!_

"_DAN!"_

_Stop jeering…_

"_DAAAAAN!"_

_Stop mocking me…_

_Please._

_I can't take this anymore._

***AUTHOR'S NOTE* Hello! So I thought it would take me a week or two to come up with another Phan fic, but apparently not. As I was cleaning earlier on today the plot for a new story burst in to my head and surprised the crap out of me. I instantly went to my iPad to write down the outline of the plot and I've managed to summarise two chapters so far. I know this prologue won't make much sense, but that was the plan. I was hoping you'd all take a guess at what was happening! Please follow this story because I am SO excited to get it started. I am really pleased with the idea that I came up with and I can't wait to see everybody's reactions. Let the fanfic writing commence! **


	2. Date Disaster

**Chapter 1**

***DAN'S POINT OF VIEW***

_I want a Shakeaway._

_This Coca-Cola is completely flat._

_Oh gosh, what I wouldn't do for a malteaser Shakeaway._

_MMM, malteasers…_

_Okay, I am going to have to go get one tomorrow now in town._

_I wonder if I have enough stamps now on my Loyalty Card to get a free one?_

_I should probably check._

"Are you even listening to me?!"

I snapped out of my trance and looked at the girl in front of me.

"We're on a date Daniel and you're not even paying attention to me!"

_Don't call me Daniel, Blondie._

"Sorry, I got distracted by something" I admitted.

"Do you know what" complained my date "I'm leaving". She stood up and threw her napkin on her plate of half eaten food.

"Ugh" I sounded, running my hands down my face in stress. "Please don't Crystal, I will pay more attention to you now"

Crystal put her hands on her hips. A few people in the restaurant were staring at us now. "So what have I been talking about for the duration of our date then?"

_Shit._

"Uuuuhhh" I began, racking my brain for anything she said. I couldn't come up with anything and reluctantly shrug.

"Exactly" she spat with venom. "You can pay the bill. Thanks for nothing"

I was going to make an excuse but I decided against it. I just let Crystal the blonde bombshell leave.

Calling for the waiter to bring me the bill, I put my head in my hands. What was wrong with me? I don't mean to sound big-headed or anything, but it wasn't exactly hard for me to pull hot girls and to go on dates. Yet no matter how beautiful the girl was, whenever we got to go on a date I zoned out.

How could I find girls so uninteresting?

After paying I threw my hoodie on and zipped it up. I tipped the hood over my head and made my way outside for the short walk back to my home which I shared with my best friend Phil.

After walking for a few minutes I was overwhelmed by an uneasy feeling.

I felt like somebody was following me.

I swallowed and walked a bit quicker. I couldn't shake off the feeling I was being watched and it was honestly frightening me. I tried to tell myself I was imagining things but the feeling was eating away at me.

Suddenly I heard real footsteps behind me and before I could turn around and see who it was a hand came round and clamped itself over my mouth. I tried to struggle but another pair of arms held my arms to my side.

I was stuck.

Whoever had hold of me began dragging me away. I wanted to scream and shout "HELP!" but the hand over my mouth didn't allow that.

Soon I felt a different surface underneath my feet and I was pulled up in to a vehicle.

Am I being kidnapped?

Inside my head I was a total mess full of panic. I needed to escape but these people were stronger than me.

Someone threw me in to a corner and I looked around. I was in a van and there were various people surrounding me with masks on.

"Put the blindfold on him" one of them ordered.

I shrieked as a blindfold was tied over my eyes. All I could see was black.

At this point the hand came off my mouth and I was hyperventilating.

"Please don't hurt me!" I managed to blurt out.

"SHUT UP" commanded the deepest of the voices.

"I don't want to die, please don't hurt me" I repeated and I was replied to with a punch across the face.

I felt blood trickling from my nose and all over my lips.

I screamed.

"Scream all you like" sniggered someone "You won't be heard down here"

Without me expecting it someone kicked me in the stomach and I let out a shriek. I curled up on my side trying to protect my body.

I was shaking in fear.

Hands went through my jacket and jean pockets and I felt my phone, wallet and keys being pulled out of the security of my clothes.

They were all laughing as I heard them going through my wallet.

I couldn't help but begin to sob.

I feared for my life.

"Awwwww! He's crying! What a pussy" one of my captors said and all the rest agreed.

Once again I felt a hand clamped on my mouth and more around my arms. I was being lifted from the floor by an iron grip and pulled out of the vehicle.

"This is it" I thought to myself.

I thought of all the things I'd miss as I was dragged through gravel by these people.

I'd miss my parents, my brother and my best friend.

I'd miss the fans and the radio show.

My upcoming career now laying in tatters.

I'd never get married or have a family of my own.

My captors let go of me and I fell to a thud. I curled up naturally to protect my body from hits.

"We're leaving you now" whispered a cruel voice in my ear. "But don't you dare take your blindfold off until you hear the van leaving. And don't you fucking even think about ringing the Police because we know where you live now. And we will kill you"

I nodded eagerly and cried to myself.

I was alive.

But it didn't feel that way.

After what seemed like hours I heard the sound of a vehicle screeching away at full speed. Nervously I lifted the blindfold off my eyes and adjusted them to my surroundings.

I needed to go home.

Shakily I brought myself to a standing position and staggered towards home. I felt anxiety and panic rush over me and I was soon in hysterics.

I kept carrying my weight home until I reached the door. I didn't have my keys any longer so I banged as hard as my weakened body would allow me.

"Phil!" I called "Phil, please let me in"

What couldn't come soon enough, Phil opened the door.

"Dan, haven't you got your keys?" he asked.

But as soon as he took in the sight of me with opened wide eyes I fell forward and collapsed in to Phil's arms.

***AUTHOR'S NOTE* I hope that was alright! Sorry it's a bit…violent haha. Please follow and review!**


	3. Responsibility

**Chapter 2**

***PHIL'S POINT OF VIEW***

"Boredddddddddddddd" I sighed to myself, flicking through the television channels.

I wonder what Dan was doing?

Probably getting off with that Crystal girl I bet.

I know it wasn't fair, but I instantly hated that Crystal girl the first day we met her. She had come over to Dan when we were out and he eventually asked for her number.

It was horrible pretending to be happy for him as he realised he had scored.

Jealousy is a bitch.

I couldn't help my feelings for Dan. I wish I could stop it so it didn't make spending practically every moment in his company ten times more difficult for me. Despite that I wouldn't change his company for the world.

How can you fall in love with your best friend?

Your male best friend in fact.

It just didn't make sense.

I checked my watch to see it was 9:00pm.

Not late enough to go to bed yet.

I threw my toy Totoro which I happened to be cuddling at the time across the room and sighed once more. But before I could go to pick him back up there was a banging on a door.

Who would be banging on the door at this time of the night?

"Phil!" I heard calling from outside. "Phil, please let me in"

I instinctively knew it was Dan and shot up. I realised he had come back earlier than I expected so I happily thought to myself that perhaps she stood him up and didn't turn up.

I opened the door and smiled. "Dan, haven't you got your keys?" He was always forgetting things.

But as soon as I fully took in the sight of him my smile faded to a look of horror. Suddenly he leaned forward and fell in to my arms, breaking in to sobs. I caught him quickly and pulled him in the house.

"What's happened?!" I shrieked as I pushed the door shut with my foot. I have dragged half carried Dan to the sofa and plopped him down on there.

I realised he was having a panic attack. "I though...I thought…they…were...going...to…KILL…me!"

"Just breathe" I told him calmly, rubbing his back. Inside I was shaking with fear and worry; wanting so badly to know what happened to my poor Dan. But right now I knew I had to be strong for him and take responsibility.

Dan tried to slow down his breathing so he could control it. "Breathe in…breathe out" I commanded and he followed my orders.

Soon he had his breathing under control but was still evidently distressed.

"What happened?" I asked him, still rubbing his back. My mind was running through all the worse scenarios that could have happened to him.

Dan had blood all over his face and clothes, amongst scuffs and bruises forming on his showing skin. It seemed like every breath he took it hurt him physically as well as emotionally.

"I left the restaurant and these guys came up behind me and dragged me away Phil. I tried as hard as I could to escape I really did Phil but it was no use! I had a hand over my mouth and hands round my arms. It was horrible"

I swallowed hard and tried not to let tears form in my eyes. "Go on" I proceeded.

Dan wiped sweat off his forehead. "They put a blindfold on me and..." he took a moment to compose himself "they said they'd kill me"

"Oh Dan..." was all I could say.

"They took my wallet, keys and phone" he explained nervously "I was so frightened"

Without thinking how Dan might react I pulled him in to a protective hug. His body froze for a split second but then melted in to my embrace.

"I'm so sorry" I repetitively told him.

After a long embrace I stood up and gently laid him back on the sofa. "I'm going to clean you up, hang on"

I went to walk to the bathroom but he grabbed my arm feebly. "Please don't leave me" he croaked.

"I need to go to the bathroom and get you stuff for your wounds Dan. Don't worry, you're safe now. I will protect you"

He fragilely nodded and let go of me. I walked calmly to the bathroom and shut the door.

Once in the bathroom I placed my hands on the sink and tried to compose myself. Tears quickly approached in my eyes and I wiped them away.

Whoever did this to Dan, I hated them.

But at this point I couldn't for one moment show him how petrified I am.

I gathered all the first aid equipment and joined Dan on the sofa. The colour was slowly coming back to his pale skin.

I proceeded to use a warm dampened cloth to clean up the blood. Dan winced a lot in pain but didn't verbally complain. I had to wrap a few bandages around him but mostly everything was just coming up in bruising. He was definitely going to ache in the morning.

"What if they come here?" Dan suddenly piped up. "They have my keys! What about if they break in and hurt me again?!" He again looked extremely worried and I stroked his hair.

"They won't, I promise. I will get the locks changed tomorrow, but until then I will put tin cans in front of the door so if they come in tonight they will knock them all over and wake us up. I will keep my phone by my side so I can call the Police if needed"

I normally didn't get this touchy with Dan. We had a few small hugs here and there in the past but it was nothing like this. Yet Dan seemed too broken inside and out and I couldn't ignore that.

"Are you going to tell the Police?" I asked him.

He instantly shook his head. "When I was laying in the dirt they told me they would kill me if I rang the Police. I don't want to see them ever again I just want to forget about it all"

My first thought was to protest and tell him that those bastards needed to be brought to justice. But all I wanted for now was for Dan to feel better.

"Okay" I eventually said. "I think you should go to bed and sleep now"

Dan slowly got up in to a sitting position on the sofa. "No…I don't want you to leave me" he whispered.

It broke my heart how torn up he was inside. He was like a delicate child.

"Can I stay in your room tonight? Please Phil, I don't want to be on my own"

I felt butterflies inside my stomach. Dan, staying in the same bedroom as me? I couldn't help but like the idea.

"Anything for you" I responded "I will sleep on the floor and you can sleep in my bed"

He shook his head. "I…I know that floor isn't comfortable. You can just sleep next to me"

I tried not to squeal inside. "Well, if you're sure. Don't worry, I will keep to my side of the bed"

"Thank you" he told me with a small smile (the first I had seen from him tonight) "Seriously Phil, you're the greatest friend I have ever had and that means a lot to me"

I helped him up and supported him as I took him to my room. He needed my help to take his bloodied clothes off and I tried to look away so I didn't make him feel uncomfortable. Yet out the corner of my eye I could witness his toned body and soft-looking skin.

If only they weren't covered in bruises.

How could these monsters ruin something so perfect?

I helped him get in to bed and put the duvet over him. "Goodnight Phil" he whispered me.

"Goodnight Dan" I responded.

Before I could go to sleep I had to go pile food cans up in front of the door as an alarm mechanism. But as I was building a pyramid of them I thought back to Dan's words:

"_You're the greatest friend I have ever had and that means a lot to me"_

If only I could be more than his best friend.

***AUTHOR'S NOTE* Awwwww ;( Poor Dan. What do you think will happen next? I hope you liked this chapter, sorry if it seemed really long. PS- HAPPY 22****ND**** TO DAN! :D**


	4. The Morning After

Chapter 3.

*DAN'S POINT OF VIEW*

My body felt like it weighed a tonne.

I yawned and stretched, but quickly retaliated as pain shot through my arm. The pain gave me an instant reminder of all the events that happened the night before and my eyes quickly shot open.

"Is that alright then?"

I froze.

An unknown male voice was coming from the hallway and all I felt was pure panic.

What if those guys were back to kill me? What about if they hurt Phil?

"Yeah, that's great. Thanks for coming out at such short notice!"

I sighed a sigh of relief as all panic drained from me. That second voice was the voice of Phil and he didn't seem to be in trouble at all.

I sat up and hobbled out of bed. It took me a few moments to do so as my body felt so damaged.

"Have a nice day!" called the unknown man.

"And you!" Phil replied before I heard the front door shut.

I walked over to the full length mirror and viewed my appearance.

I tried not to gag in disgust.

"Hello sleepyhead" welcomed Phil, walking in behind me.

"How long was I out for?" I questioned.

Phil laughed. "12 hours!"

I pulled a dramatic shocked face. "So who was that you were with?"

Phil walked closer over to me. "Oh, I called up this man to have the lock on the front door changed. We have new keys now also"

He then noticed my full reflection in the mirror. I had no t-shirt on and was only standing there in boxers. Phil took in all the black and blue bruises blotched over my pale skin and bit his lip at the sight of the scratches and cuts.

"Does it hurt?" he asked quietly.

"Nope, I have a high pain threshold" I replied with part sarcasm.

We both knew this was a lie.

"Want pancakes?" Phil asked to break the silence. He smiled a reassuring smile and I could have sworn I felt all tingly inside at the sight of it.

"Sure thing" I responded nodding. "Thanks"

Phil nodded back and walked out the room; leaving me to it. I continued to do my usual style of getting ready before taking the moment to sit on the bed and just go over my thoughts.

As I led in bed last night beside Phil, he made me feel calm. At first I was a prisoner inside my head. My mind just kept replaying the horrific situation I found myself in and no matter how much I mentally begged myself, it just would not stop. Every thought emotionally tortured me and I was feeling prepared to do anything to make it go away. Yet as soon as I turned to look at the peaceful sleeping Phil next to me, the crashing waves calmed down. The storm turned to a clear blue sky and I felt secure. It was like Phil was saving me from myself.

How could that even be?

"These aren't just any pancakes...They're Delia Smith pancakes!"

I shot out of my track of thought and called "Okay!" back to Phil. I shook my head to myself and walked out to the kitchen. Phil was standing there proudly with a cooking apron on looking very pleased with himself. Placed on the table was two plates of pancakes. You could tell which plate was made specifically for me as it had malteasers around the pancakes.

"You know me too well!" I joked and sat down beside him at the table.

For most part we sat in silence. It wasn't awkward, but rather a comfortable one. At one point Phil brushed my arm when reaching for the chocolate syrup and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I quickly dismissed it and passed it off for being stressed.

"So..." Phil slowly said as he pushed away his empty plate.

"So" I repeated, pushing away mine.

"We need to talk about yesterday"

I gulped and looked down at my feet. "No we don't" I said quietly.

"Yes we do" Phil insisted. "I think you should ring the Police"

I instinctively stood up and glared at Phil. "Well I don't"

"What, and let them get away with what they did to you? Have you not seen yourself this morning?"

My gratitude to Phil soon turned in to annoyance. "Yes I did thank you fucking very much. I can feel it too"

Phil also stood up and placed himself in to a similar stance to mine. "Then you should understand why you need to report them then! What about if they did this to someone else? I spend all morning getting the lock on the door fixed so we would be safe. I can't stop worrying about you Dan!"

Before I realised what I was doing I slammed my hand down on the counter. "BUT IT DIDN'T HAPPEN TO YOU DID IT? IT HAPPENED TO ME! SO JUST BACK THE FUCK OFF PHIL!"

I didn't mean to snap at him, I really didn't. But his words really got to me and I ran off to my room as fast as my legs could take me, slamming the door hard behind me.

"YOU CAN'T RUN AWAY FROM THE TRUTH!" Phil shouted through the house.

I just put my hands over my ears and ignored him.


	5. Unexpected Turn of Events

Chapter 4

***PHIL'S POINT OF VIEW***

I facepalmed myself and sighed heavily shaking my head. I had to remember that I wasn't furious at Dan, but furious at the guys who did what they did to him, and that I should take it easy.

How could I have reacted so badly?

I took a moment to breathe and relax before walking calmly over to Dan's door.

"Dan?" I called, leaning my head against the door frame.

No response.

"Dan, please open the door"

Still no response.

I pulled down the handle and pushed but I couldn't open it as he had locked it.

"Dan?" I asked once again with a hint of worry in my voice.

There was a moment of silence. "I'm sorry" a sad voice finally replied.

I turned my back and pressed it to the door, sliding down it so I sat against it with my knees hunched up.

"I'm sorry too" I admitted. "I didn't mean to get angry. I let both my sadness for what happened to you and my anger towards those bastards get mixed up and I reacted way out of line. I couldn't see the sensible way to act and for that I apologise"

I fidgeted with the corner of my checked shirt as I waited for an answer.

"I forgive you" he accepted. "As soon as you started mentioning what happened I felt like a giant knot had formed inside my chest and I instantly felt overwhelmed. I know you're only trying to be a decent friend…I would be the same if it were you"

Before I could reply I heard a click as Dan unlocked the door. I then heard him shuffle away from it and I got up in to a standing position. Pulling the handle down slowly I was now able to open the door and go inside Dan's bedroom.

Although it was broad daylight outside, his black curtains were pulled shut. I found my frightened looking friend hunched on the floor against his bed with a very sullen look in his eyes. All my feelings of love for him throbbed too much to be ignored and I quickly went and sat beside him. Protectively I put my arm around his shoulder, and to my surprise, he leaned in to my chest with his head by my neck.

"Do you remember how we met?" he asked out of the blue.

"Of course I do" laughing as I reminisced. "We met online and instantly found out we had practically everything in common. When we finally met face to face you blushed so much I thought you were going to turn permanently red!"

Dan laughed as I recalled the memory. "It was a great day. I'm glad I met you. Remember when we were making a video together years ago and you suddenly threw yourself at me and I fell back with you on top of me?"

"Yup! You should have seen your face, it was priceless"

We both sat there laughing to ourselves whilst in each other's embrace. It was a nice situation and it reminded me so much as to why I love him.

I love him.

Without realising, I leaned my head forward and kissed Dan on the top of his head, feeling the silk of his hair against my lips. When his body suddenly froze I reluctantly realised what I had just done. I pulled away fast and let go of Dan.

"I…uh…I didn't…uh" I attempted to explain but I realised I had no explanation. I was extremely horrified and I knew for sure I had lost my friend right there and then.

Taking advantage of his vulnerable state and making a fool out of myself.

Well done Phil.

I was about to stand up and leave in embarrassment but Dan put his hand on my knee. I concentrated on his hand on my knee and didn't even attempt to look him straight in the eyes.

"Phil…"

I refused to look at him.

Dan shuffled forward until he was sat right in front of me. He used his spare hand to lift my face from my chin until I was looking at him.

He didn't say anything and neither did I.

We just stared.

Carefully, Dan leaned forward and kissed me on the lips. After a moment of shock I began to kiss him back. I couldn't understand what he was doing but I didn't want to break the moment.

Dan got higher up on his knees whilst still kissing me. Dominantly he pushed my chest with his hand forcefully until I fell on my back on his floor. He scrambled on top of me and straddled my torso kissing me longingly.

After what felt like forever he pulled back and just sat on me staring.

"What the hell just happened?" I nervously asked, chuckling.

There was a silence as Dan stared at me more and more until I believed he could burn a stare right through my skull. He was studying me and if he wasn't straddling me I would have got incredibly anxious and left.

Finally he broke the silence.

"I think I just fell for you"

***AUTHOR'S NOTE* Hope you like this chapter! I had planned it a bit differently but as I was writing this chapter I altered some things slightly. Please review this, the last chapter didn't get very many and I was disappointed not to hear from you guys :( Thanks!**


	6. The Fog is Now Clear

Chapter 5.

***DAN'S POINT OF VIEW***

Everything was so clear now.

I spent years wondering why I could never commit to potential girlfriends.

More of which all happened whilst being in the presence of Phil.

But now it all made sense.

I never knew what love and commitment was until now, as I straddled Phil's waist gazing in to his glistening eyes.

"You...You fell for me?" he asked like a confused little boy.

I clambered off of Phil and sat up on the centre of my bed. Phil slowly got up and joined me by my side; waiting intently for an answer.

"I don't know how to explain it" I admitted. "But everything always felt wrong, none of those dates felt right…until now. Everything feels so comfortable and I'm not doubting it like any of the girls I've been with"

Phil swallowed and fidgeted with his fingers. "I've always had feelings for you"

I was genuinely shocked at this. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"Think about it Dan- having feelings for your same sex best friend that is your work partner as well as the person you live with. Could have ruined a lot of things for us if I admitted it to you"

I bit my lip. "Yeah, I see what you mean. But, you haven't ruined anything now"

"I like you a lot"

I smiled at boy confessing his feelings for me. "I like you a lot too"

I've never taken in his beauty until now.

"I can't believe this is happening. Am I dreaming?" Phil questioned.

I shook my head in a silent response.

"But…I never thought…I need to check this is real"

Before I had a chance to be puzzled at what Phil said, he took his turn to push me back on the bed and sat on my waist. He urgently kissed my lips and kissed them so ferociously I thought I wouldn't be able to breathe again. He trailed kisses along my cheek bones down to my neck and I tried my best not to squirm as he kissed all my sensitive parts.

He pulled down the collar of my top slightly and kissed along the lines of my collarbone. A shiver went down my spine and I let out a small gasp. I used my left hand to place in the warmth of his hair and entwined my fingers in to it, allowing him to kiss me all over.

He took my right hand and held my palm against his mouth. He left small pecks of kisses on it before leading the kisses up my arm bone to my shoulder. He slowly unwound my left hand from his hair and performed the same performance.

Each kiss was fireworks to me.

When Phil finally finished kissing my body he stopped and sat up straight on me.

"Believe this isn't a dream now?" I asked giggling.

Phil grinned. "Yep. It's very much real"

He got off me and led pressed against my side and I turned so I faced away from him. He curled his body around mine and dragged his arm around my waist. It was like it was structured to always fit around me.

He placed his hand on my chest above my heart and I realised he was feeling my heartbeat.

"Your heart is thumping really fast" he stated.

He was right.

I moved my hand and placed it on his, squeezing.

"All because of you"

***AUTHOR'S NOTE* Originally, the next chapter for this story was going to be this one. However, I decided Dan and Phil deserved some lovey dovey cheesey fluffy time before any more serious things happened. Please review! ^_^**


	7. Signs and Symptoms

Chapter 6

*DAN'S POINT OF VIEW*

_They were surrounding me; leaving me nowhere to escape to._

_I held my hands clamped over my ears to block them out._

_They wouldn't stop jeering._

_Stop teasing me._

_Stop mocking me._

_STOP LAUGHING AT ME!_

_Closing in on me in unison as if they planned this long ago._

_The darkness formed over my eyes was blackening my sight._

_Pain overwhelmed me as each hit rained down on me like thunder._

_It was time to die._

"_DAN" they screamed viciously at me._

_How did they know my name?!_

"_DAN!"_

_Stop jeering…_

"_DAAAAAN!"_

_Stop mocking me…_

_Please._

_I can't take this anymore._

"GOD DAMNIT DAN!"

Immensely startled, I shot up hyperventilating. Sweat was undoubtedly trickling from my forehead and I wiped it off with the back of my hand.

"You scared the life out of me shouting and thrashing about like that!"

I glanced to my side to see my beautiful boyfriend in bed beside me, sporting Superman pyjama bottoms and nothing else. His torso was pale but it was perfect to me.

"Sorry" I stuttered.

"Did you have a nightmare about what happened to you?"

I just looked down at the bed sheets and nodded solemnly.

Phil wrapped his arm around me and pulled me down to lay next to him. He kissed my hair and placed his lips at my ear to whisper.

"You're safe here"

Soon enough Phil fell back asleep. I was still in shock over my dream, so I reminisced over the day's proceedings.

After we discovered our feelings for one another, we enjoyed the rest of the day in one another's embrace wherever we went. We curled up together on the sofa watching the entirety of Kill Bill and we were too loved up to let go. At every moment we had to be touching some part of the other because letting go was horrible.

I needed to know he was there at all times.

What else did I have?

***PHIL'S POINT OF VIEW***

Opening my eyes, I let the sunshine creeping behind the curtains pour over me.

Yawning, I leaned up on my arms and grinned to myself.

I was in Dan's bedroom, and more specifically, Dan's bed.

Realising he was not at my side, I swung my legs over the side and stood up. I decided to go in to his wardrobe and pick out a Sonic the Hedgehog t-shirt, holding it to my nose and inhaled. I loved how it smelled like him and quickly put it on.

Hoping to surprise Dan, I quietly tiptoed out of his bedroom. I wanted to surprise him by wrapping my arms around him, thinking it would be cute. But as I reached the living room and peered round the wall, I was instantly hit with confusion.

Dan was pacing back and forth in the living room scratching vigorously at his arms. It couldn't have been an itch because you wouldn't need to scratch so long and hard for that. What on earth was he playing at?

Continuing to scratch him arm, he darted over to the window and pulled the curtain back slightly. He stuck his head through the crack and watched the outside world through the window. He had the most anxious look on his face and he seemed really on edge.

"Hello" I eventually said, forgetting all my plans to surprise him.

Dan jumped slightly and bolted around. As soon as he realised it was me his expression quickly relaxed and any signs of anxiety melted.

"Hello gorgeous" he welcomed smiling.

"Want some breakfast?" he asked. But before waiting for an answer he shuffled off to the kitchen to pull ingredients out the fridge.

He was acting really strange. One minute he looked more nervous than a teenager about to sit an exam, the next he was acting like his normal self!

I decided not to tell him what I saw because I didn't want him to freak out.

But I was definitely going to keep a closer eye on him for now on.

***AUTHOR'S NOTE* The plot thickens! Please review :D Sorry this took so long to upload and is really rubbish anyway, it only occurred to earlier how I haven't posted in a while.**


	8. Anxiety

Chapter 7

***PHIL'S POINT OF VIEW***

"I think we should go in to town today"

"Really?" Dan said through a mouthful of cereal.

I nodded. "I want to show my boyfriend off to the whole wide world"

Dan winked and I giggled, covering my mouth.

"You look cute when you laugh like that" he complimented and I began to blush.

"Town then?"

"If you would like to then okay"

On confirmation I went off to my room to get properly dressed. Dan was already in his day clothes so he only had to wait for me. 20 minutes later I walked back in to the living room. Dan was now sat on the sofa biting his thumb and shaking his leg up and down like it didn't have a stop button. He was deep in thought and the look of concentration on his face was almost frightening.

"Ready?" I asked. Dan smiled and he followed me out the door.

When we reached the lift, Dan held out his hand. I grinned and held my own out to clasp his in mine. His hand was warm and soft to touch and nothing felt more right to me.

Town was busy today. Dan held my hand tight so we wouldn't get split apart in the crowd and we soon made it to Starbucks. I offered to buy our drinks whilst he went to get us a table. He agreed appreciatively and went to sit in the furthest corner away from other people.

***DAN'S POINT OF VIEW***

How could a trip to town be so mentally and physically exhausting? We hadn't been out long and already I felt deprived of energy.

I had to admit, I was really nervous today. For one, this had been the first time I had been out since…since the incident. Being in a crowd proved to be painful for me but I clung on to Phil knowing he would protect me. But secondly, it was the first time me and Phil had been out as a couple. What about if we bumped in to fans? What about if people laughed at us? Not everybody is accepting of homosexuality.

"Here" Phil said plopping down in the seat in front of me. "Thank you" I said as I took the cup of warm lovely coffee from his hands.

"This feels very surreal" Phil said out of the blue.

"What does?" I responded, confused.

"Us. You and me. We are a couple. It feels very real now"

I shrugged. "Certainly does. Not regretting it are you?"

He reached his hand forward and squeezed my arm. "Of course not. I'm the luckiest man in the world"

Before I could reply, a gang of noisy teenagers sat down at the table next to us. I specifically chose the table in the corner because nobody else was around and we could have some privacy. Obviously it was not the case any longer.

There were four boys and two girls. The boys were laughing loudly and shoving each other's arms in a play fight. The girls were doing their hair in the reflection of their iPhones evidently trying to impress their male friends.

It seemed like their laughing just got louder and louder and louder. Suddenly my heart started beating fast and I held my hand over my heart.

"What's wrong?" Phil asked out of concern. "You look like you've seen a ghost"

The laughing became a lot more intense. I clamped my hands over my ears trying to block it out but nothing could stop that constant mocking, jeering, in my ears.

"Oh god" I complained.

"What?"

"Fuck. Phil. I need to leave"

I stood up abruptly still holding my hands over my ears. Without waiting for Phil I rushed to the exit and left Starbucks. I began running and I knew I could not stop until I reached the safety of my home.

***PHIL'S POINT OF VIEW***

"DAN! SLOW DOWN!"

I was chasing Dan down the road. I could only assume he was going to our apartment but I couldn't be sure.

What was he running from?

"DAAAAN! PLEASE!" I shouted, ignoring the stares glaring at me all around.

We reached the park and to my relief Dan stopped. He bent down and leaned his arms on the park bench hyperventilating; his entire body shaking like mad.

I reached his side and stopped to pant, completely out of breath.

"What..is…wrong…with…you?" I managed to say.

Dan collapsed on to the bench. "They were mocking me!" he exclaimed before bursting in to tears.

"Who was mocking you?" I asked, sitting beside him.

"EVERYONE" he shouted and broke out in to sobs. "I can't deal with this Phil"

I put my arms around his trembling body and pulled him to my chest. I held him tighter than I had ever held him.

And as he cried and repeatedly wailed that he couldn't cope I thought about how he clung to my hand so tightly earlier.

It wasn't out of love.

It was because he was terrified.


	9. Proving Myself To You

***WARNING* This chapter has a bit of smut in it. Nothing properly sexual actually happens but there is a build up towards it. It is more fluffy smut if that makes sense. Anyhow, let us proceed!**

Chapter 8

***DANS' POINT OF VIEW***

"I'm sorry" I said in a pitiful voice.

Phil kissed my forehead. "Don't be. I love you"

"I love you too"

When I finally calmed down, myself and Phil walked back to our apartment. I was thoroughly wiped out from all that crying so he had to practically carry me home and on to his bed.

I was curled up in a ball underneath Phil's duvet with his loving arms around me. I felt like such a child that Phil had to constantly take control and look after me. It made me feel less like a man and more like a boy.

"Do you want me to get you anything?" he asked.

I shook my head. "All I need is you"

Despite the fact it was daylight outside, lying in bed with Phil was the only thing I wanted to do right now.

"Phil, I hate how you seem to be like my parent, constantly looking after me. I don't want to be such a coward and I swear I am going to be a better boyfriend"

"Don't talk nonsense Dan! I love being there for you. Of course I don't want you to be feeling like how you do right now but you are no coward to me. You have been through a lot"

I bit my lip. I didn't want Phil's pity. I wanted to be his boyfriend, a proper boyfriend.

This thought is what encouraged me to do what I did next.

Turning to face Phil, I sat up and pulled my legs over him so I was straddling his waist.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

I answered by planting my lips enthusiastically on his.

The kiss felt wonderful. Phil's lips moved in sync with mine and it soon moved from slow and loving, to urgent and passionate.

Fumbling for the hem of Phil's shirt, I pulled it off his body. He was now laying underneath me topless and I couldn't help be excited by that.

I leaned down and kissed down his neck. He made a small noise I could have sworn was a held back moan and he gripped on to my back. I moved up to his earlobe and nibbled at it daringly before going back to kissing his mouth.

Phil's hands on my back moved down to my shirt and he pulled it as far up as he could. I sat up to pull it off and threw it on to the floor. He pulled me back down and we kissed some more.

I knew what I wanted.

Slightly nervous yet motivated by adrenaline, I kissed down his body. I took a moment to kiss his nipples and bite them between my teeth to which I was thanked with by a groan coming from Phil.

I kept kissing downwards until I reached Phil's jeans. I ran my hand slightly underneath them and I felt his body tense.

I was about to unbutton his jeans when he suddenly pushed me back and sat on top of me.

He was sat there just staring at me; not saying or doing anything.

"What's wrong?" I asked puzzled. "Come on, let's carry on"

He shook his head. "No, I know what you're trying to do. You are trying to prove yourself to me, prove more to yourself even, that you aren't a coward or weak as you put it. You're letting your current emotions decide things for you and that isn't right"

"But I thought you'd want to be with me" I protested, feeling like I was being isolated.

"More than anything Dan, but not now, not yet. When the time comes we'll know"

I sighed and faced the wall. Phil clambered off me and led by my side.

He kissed my cheek. "You've got nothing to prove" he stated.

"If you say so"

"I do say so" he confirmed. "But if it helps, you can leave your shirt off. You look too good to put your top back on"

I turned from the wall and faced Phil instead, smirking.

"You're one to talk"

***AUTHOR'S NOTE* Awwwwwww. All the feels! Anyway, I have an important announcement to make. I have created a new Tumblr and it would mean a hell of a lot to me if you could follow it. As you may be able to tell from all my fanfics, I am really in to mental health issues, self-harm etc. Well, I made a blog in relation to it. I made this blog so I could share my own experiences and allow you to journey with me on my hope for recovery. I made it so I could help people understand mental health more, but also help others to find something to relate to. If you're interested, my Tumblr URL is 'demonsandrecovery'. Thanks!**


	10. It's A Date!

**Chapter 9**

***DAN'S POINT OF VIEW***

"We never had a date"

Phil looked at me surprised. "No, I guess we didn't"

"I want us to have a date" I said, kissing his cheek.

Phil bit his lip. "Dan, you know what happened last time you tried to go out…"

I shook my head. "We don't have to go out to go on a date. I want to cook for you, y'know, all that romantic shizz!"

Phil burst in to a fit of laughter and I sat looking confused. "You, romantic Dan? I would love to see that!"

"Then see it you shall. Leave the house for a couple of hours and when I text you to come back you will see how romantic I can be mister"

"You serious?"

"Deadly. Go find something to do that doesn't involve being here"

Phil frowned. "Are you sure? I don't like the thought of leaving you alone for the rest of the day"

I sighed; knowing what he meant by that. He was scared I was going to do something stupid or act like I did earlier.

"I'm 100%. Please Phil?" I begged, giving him sad puppy eyes.

"Alright! I'll give PJ a call"

"Yaaaay!" I celebrated, giving Phil a big kiss on the lips.

Ten minutes later, he confirmed that he would be going to PJ's house.

Before Phil left, we shared a long hug in the hallway.

After a goodbye kiss he left: leaving me feeling lonely and with a lingering feeling on my lips.

But at least now I could do something special for the boy I loved.

Admittedly, I wasn't much of a cook. Many times I had been known to burn food before, but there were other times when I made something half decent. However, if there was something I knew, it was how to make cupcakes.

Luckily for me, all the ingredients I needed was already in the cupboards and I didn't need to go outside to the shops. I decided to make the cupcakes first so they had a chance to chill in the fridge whilst I cooked the main meal.

Leaving my iPhone playing my favourite Muse album on loud, I began baking. I quickly emptied out all the measured ingredients in to a bowl before proceeding to separate the mixtures. Being experimental I poured different food colouring in each bowl so by the end of it I had four different colours. I chose yellow cupcake holders to relate to Phil's obsession with lions. I carefully emptied the mixtures in to cupcake holders so they were all full of multi-coloured cupcake mix.

When I carefully pushed the cupcakes in to the oven I went and grabbed some paper, a pair of scissors and glue from my desk. I was super proud of my idea and was very excited to show it off to Phil.

I made six flags out of paper and cut them out. Grabbing some cocktail sticks I glued them to the sticks and grabbed some pens. On an extra piece, I wrote "Things I Love About Phil…" with hearts all over. Then each flag had something I loved about him:

'_His hair'_

'_His cute laugh'_

'_He's caring_

'_He's loving'_

'_His smile'_

'_His hugs & kisses'_

I smiled to myself, knowing that this was the ultimate romantic thing to do. Wait until I show this off to Phil!

Two minutes later I got the cupcakes out of the oven.

"Perfect" I said to myself. I couldn't help but feel boastful over my rainbow cupcakes.

I finished them off by sticking a flag in each and putting the other piece of paper in front of them. Standing back I admired them thoughtfully. Although I could hardly upload a photo of them to twitter without seeming suspicious I took a photo anyway before putting them in the fridge.

The next part was the annoying part of washing up. Despite the task I danced along to my music and imagined how much fun it would be if Phil was here.

I grabbed our best tablecloth, a red one, and spread it across our dinner table. I also took out plates and our best cutlery, setting one space for me and one space for Phil. I finished the setting off with a glass of red wine for both of us and a candle in the middle.

Just call me Mr Romance, Phil.

The last thing to do was cook the main meal. I chose to cook spaghetti cabonara, one of Phil's favourites, and then went to put on my best clothes. I settled on a black shirt and black skinny jeans with a studded belt. Not bad.

By now I was full of excitement. I grabbed my phone and sent a text message to my beloved:

'_**Dinner is served! Come back soon, miss you ;-)xxxxx'**_

Not long after I received a reply:

'_**See you soon boyfriend xxx'**_

I couldn't help but grin.

***AUTHOR'S NOTE* Sorry this was such a terribly written chapter but I was distracted and rushing to get it done. However I have the next three chapters planned out already so they shouldn't take long to get up! Follow me on twitter: BrionyBea and say you're from here and I will follow you ^_^ thanks!**


	11. Ligouri's Advice

**Chapter 10.**

***PHIL'S POINT OF VIEW***

**-HOURS EARLIER-**

"LET ME WIN OR I SWEAR TO THE TINY PLANETS ABOVE I WILL THROW A BANANA PEEL AT YOU!"

"Neverrrrr! I will take you down Yoshi!"

It was really nice hanging out with PJ again. We hadn't seen each other for nearly two months so it was fun to play games and have a catch up. PJ was his usual bubbly self and even whilst playing Mario Kart he was coming out with the most imaginative things.

Despite my threat of taking PJ down, I failed miserably. As soon as his screen exclaimed "FIRST PLACE!" he jumped up in the air with one fist held high above his head.

"Horaaay! You shall now call me Superior Emperor of all things Mario related. Bow down to me peasant!"

Laughing, I bent forward and gave a bow.

When PJ finished laughing himself, he paused the game and sat back next to me on the sofa.

"So why isn't Dan with you? You two normally come as a pair!"

I smiled nervously, trying to think what to say. I had decided that I wasn't going to tell PJ about mine and Dan's relationship; it would have to be something we did together.

I settled on an excuse. "He's um, busy editing his latest video. He says hello though!"

"Cool cool" PJ said smiling. "So, anything interesting happening in your life?"

"Ummm, no not really to be honest. What about you?"

If only he knew the truth.

"Well" PJ began "As you know I've just graduated from University so pretty much right now I am going to relax and make the most of my time not stressing about exams! It's cool living near you guys though as we can hang out more"

"For sure!" I nodded. "Congratulations once again by the way"

"Thanks dude. So, what do you want to do to now?"

I bit my lip. "Actually PJ, there is something I would like to talk to you about. Something that I can't talk to anyone else about…not even Dan"

PJ pulled a fake surprised look. "It must be bad if you can't talk to Dan about it then! But go on, spill the beans. Just call me Uncle Ligouri! Ligouri's advice!"

He leaned back on his burgundy sofa and gazed at me with twinkling eyes. PJ had the kind of eyes that you could look at and know there is something going on behind there. It gave almost a magical look to him.

"Dan got mugged" I announced grimly.

PJ straightened up in his seat. "What?! What happened?!"

I went on explaining about how Dan got taken by those guys in their van, beaten, mugged and threatened. Throughout the whole thing PJ was staring at me wide eyed. I was trying hard not to start choking up and cry myself.

"Shit" was what he ended with. "So what did you need my advice on?"

I looked down at my thumbs and twiddled them nervously. "Ever since then he has been acting really strangely. I tried to persuade him to go to the Police but he plain down refused. He said he wanted to forget about it all but he doesn't seem to be at all. Every night he has nightmares and I can hear him shouting from his bedroom and getting in to a right state. We went to town the other day and he ended up having a huge panic attack and running back home hyperventilating! He always seems so anxious and on edge; constantly checking the windows for things to check he's safe. It's horrible to watch PJ it really is"

He frowned, obviously pondering something. I had evidently left out all the parts of mine and Dan's relationship yet I still worried he would sense me altering the story and guess the more accurate details.

"I can understand your concern, that's definitely not like the Dan we know. I guess it's to be expected though. Has he said anything to you?"

"Nope. He hides it and when he senses I'm around he tries to change. When he panicked in town he did reveal how scared he was but that was about as far as it got. He's always pacing around too, just walking continuously back and forth"

Something suddenly sprung in to PJ's mind. "It might be a little early to fully confirm, but have you ever heard of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?"

I frowned. "I don't think so"

"Google it when you get home. It's a mental health disorder that can happen to people after traumatic experiences and is a diagnosed thing. It has loads of symptoms and can actually be treated by counselling or even some medication. Perhaps you should keep an eye on Dan for a while to see if his behaviour gets any better, and if not, talk to him about it and going to the doctors"

It seemed to make sense. Could Dan really be suffering from a mental health issue?

"Thanks PJ, that's actually really helpful! I will keep that in mind and keep an eye on him. Thanks for that. It's good to talk to someone else about it because it's hard for me knowing how to support him and that. Please don't tell him I told you though"

PJ nodded. "Any time my friend! Your secret is safe with me. Now, are you ready for round two of Mario Karts?!"

Feeling better about everything I grinned. "You betcha'! Be ready to be eliminated from the throne Superior Emperor!"

We played games for a few more hours and even watched some anime before Dan text me to announce it was safe to come back home.

'_Dinner is served! Come back soon, miss you ;-)xxxxx'_

I smiled as I tried not to blush from his cute message. I quickly replied back:

'_See you soon boyfriend xxx'_

After a long farewell with PJ, I vowed that I would make more time to see him in the near future. I actually forgot how much good company he was. It made me grateful to have friends like him.

I pulled on my hoodie, zipped it up and dug my hands in to my pockets as I stepped outside. I couldn't help but imagine what on earth Dan had in store for me.

***AUTHOR'S NOTE* I've never had PJ in any of my fanfics before so this was an interesting thing to do! Do you think I played his character well? Please give me one minute of your time to leave a review, it always motivates me to write when I see nice things from you guys. Thank you!**


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